Confessions of a Socially Awkward Introvert
Anyone who considers themselves an introvert will understand the struggle that can come with group work. Not being sure when to speak up and when to stay silent, worrying how others will receive your ideas, and worrying about the worst-case scenario - that you'll end up embarrassing yourself.
This is often experienced in large groups, and I think these concerns grow with the number of people you need to speak up in front of. But working in a smaller class setting can sometimes be just as intimidating. I vividly remember the first class session of VAH/VAS 4485. In an intimately sized classroom, one by one, the ten of us briefly introduced ourselves as we went around the room. When I’m this type of situation, I always figure out what it is I want to say, and repeat it over and over in my head, afraid I’ll accidentally say something silly, like “My name is Classics, and I study Anna and Art History.”
Over the course of the year through class participation that has grown more frequent, I have learned to embrace the butterflies, move past the fear, and speak up. Outside of the lecture setting, I have learned to say hello to the people sitting next to me, smile, and make connections. It wasn’t always easy. There were days where I would have rather been hiding out at home, and days when I wanted to camouflage into the background hoping that no one would notice me. But for me I think those days are part of being introverted, sometimes there’s a lot going on and I need time to myself to recharge.
I’ve come a long way since this first class, as I’ve gotten to know my classmates over the course of the year and have become more comfortable and less anxious about talking in front of them. It was a difficult process for me that a short blog cannot capture. But it was worth it. I’ve learned to be more daring, take more risks, and worry less about saying something dumb, or some people not liking what I have to say. That’s life. We’re all human, we all embarrass ourselves sometimes, and sometimes people won’t like your opinions and ideas. But we are fortunate here to have opportunities where we can speak our minds, discuss important issues, listen to others, and round out our understanding and experiences through interaction.
In VAH/VAS 4485, I have had the opportunity to develop my comfort with social situations more than I thought any university course would allow. Now this course has become a sort of safe haven, where I have grown comfortable with my classmates, made good friends, and can let my freak flag fly. It’s something I always look forward to, and I will be sad to see it end. But I will be able to carry the skills I’ve developed in this class with me, and be an introvert who is just a little less socially awkward.